Maintaining and Reclaiming Your Individual Identity as a Parent

Mon, Mar 28, 2011

Monthly Masters, Self-Mastery

Is it common for people to struggle with maintaining their identity after having a child? If so, why? What is the importance of having your own identity as a parent? How does your family benefit from you “Maintaining and Reclaiming” Your Individual Identity?


Congratulations to Micheline the Winner of the $100 Spa Finder Gift Certificate and thank you to everyone that watched, commented and shared my interview with Mary the Mommyologist. It was so much fun being the host. I have been inspired by all the comments from such strong and wonderful women. You all deserve to win! It gives me great hope for the future to know you ladies are out there raising (and running) the world!

I hope you will all come back to visit and congrats again to Micheline – Enjoy your timeΒ  being pampered!

As a parent no doubt your main priority is providing for and taking care of your children. Yet having time that is yours and yours alone and maintaining your individual identity is very important and often a struggle for parents.

Last week I had the pleasure of interviewing Mary Fischer on the topic of parents who may be suffering from a bit of an identity crisis.

Mary is better known as the Mommyologist, a once carefree career women who gave it all away to be a stay at home Mom!

About a year and a half ago Mary started a wonderful parenting blog on whim and today has a growing career and new identity but this was not an easy decision or transition for Mary!

If you know Mary you know she Loves being a Mom but at one point she started feeling like something was missing and found herself longing to start a career again. Mary battled with wanting to reclaim her individual identity while feeling like she would be neglecting her duties as a parent.

If Mary’s struggle or the questions above sound familiar to you in anyway, check outΒ  this great interview as Mary shares her wisdom and key advice to help you through!

Listen to the whole thing because at the end Mary has a $100.00 giveaway for you that is sure to get you on track with “Maintaining and Reclaiming Your Individual Identity as a Parent!”

Thanks for watching!

Make sure and enter yourself for the giveaway. Take advantage of Mary’s generosity, it’s a great gift for you or a deserving parent you know. And as it says in the credits, at the end of the video, the gift was not donated but purchased by Mary herself to share with you!

Just leave your comments below. Tell us about your “Mom Sexy” and share this post on Facebook or Twitter to WIN!

We will announce the Winner this coming Friday, April 1st 2011.

[It’s important to note that all opinions and thoughts expressed by Mary Fischer in this video are based solely on her own experiences of identity loss as a mother. We know that not all mothers experience this phenomenon, and that everyone’s journey as a parent is different. The people we are hoping to reach with this video are those who are having feelings similar to Mary’s of trying to figure out where their own identity fits in as far as parenting goes. Not every parent requires having a part of their life that is separate from their child, and this video is primarily geared for those who do.]

Mary Fischer is the owner and author of a popular parenting blog called The Mommyologist. Her articles are centered around the changes in life that come as a result of having a child, and she writes all of them in a humorous tone. Mary has also started a movement on her blog called the “Mom Sexy Revolution”, which is a mission to empower and inspire women to embrace their identities and feel confident and happy in their own skin. Mary has been quoted in the New York Times,, and has appeared on local and national television. She is also the proud mother to a future comedian disguised as her five year old son.
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25 Responses to “Maintaining and Reclaiming Your Individual Identity as a Parent”

  1. Shell Says:

    It’s so easy to get lost after having kids.

    My sexy is taking time for ME! Like saying that going to the gym is a priority and getting myself there, even though I could use that time for something for my kids- they get the rest of my day, I can take an hour or so for me. That shows them that I am important, too.

  2. Carroll B. Merriman Says:

    Ah that really helped, thanks I’ve been stuck on this for ages!

  3. Angie Says:

    For me it has to be taking the time to read, write and excercise. The jogging I can do with my kid in tow, but the other 2 are completely “me only” activites. I’ve found that by getting up when I wake up (rather than trying to force myself back to sleep at 5am) I get more creative time to myself. Ultimately, the very best thing I’ve done is to start a blog with my sister. We each had our own prior to this joint project, but as a team we’re getting so much more accomplished and it’s a LOT more fun as well.

  4. Micheline Says:

    My sexy would have to be dancing. I used to be in a professional dance company and take classes regularly, but I haven’t been to a class for 3 years now (my son is 27 months). I miss it desperately! But of course now I’m pregnant again, so a spa day would be a wonderful substitute until I can dance again.

  5. LB Says:

    I wish I could say that I have my mom “sexy” back. My kids are now 5 and 6, but they still require as much energy from me as they did as infants. Maybe when they are teenagers???

  6. Teresha@ Marlie and Me Says:

    My Mom Sexy is working out! It makes me feel strong and confident and the endorphins make me happy!

  7. kim Says:

    i keep my mom sexy by going to the gym and taking a zumba class. altho i will occasionally let the gym fall thru the cracks for thinks my son may need me to turn my attention to, but zumba is my one hour every week that is NEVER interrupted. its all mine, its all me. and what better way to get my sexy on then to shake my hips a little πŸ˜‰

  8. Kandis Crownover Says:

    Great Post!! Thank you very much!

  9. Sarahviz Says:

    My SEXY comes from taking the time for me to exercise! My self-esteem skyrockets when I feel healthy and strong and FIT.

  10. mindy Says:

    great interview mary! you’re an inspiration to mommies everywhere!! (and a damn sexy one at that!)

  11. Sarah at the Stroller Ballet Says:

    I agree with so many of the comments above!! My mom sexy is totally working out…something I try to do every day and makes me feel good about myself. I think it’s so important in finding that new mom identity!!

  12. Ashley @ Just Another Mom Of 2 Says:

    My mom sexy is having a chance to breathe- by myself! I’m a big fan of a bubble bath, wine, and my kindle. Did I mention wine? Sometimes, we all just need a little time to ourselves- without chasing after kids!

  13. Ashley @ Just Another Mom Of 2 Says:

    I wanted to add (I had to come back to listen to the second half) that I think not all parents forget who they are being a parent. I have cycled through staying at home, finishing a degree, staying at home, working at home– there are always different cycles of life. But I was equally comfortable in all roles as it suited my needs at the time. I have a great friend who raises four kids and is loving it- even as the oldest graduates high school. It’s all about what works for each mom. I wanted to add that as I hate to sound like it sucks to be a mom when it doesn’t always!

  14. Dallas Cyr Says:

    @Shell – Great point you ARE important too and its a great lesson for children to see.

    @Carroll – I’m glad you found this helpful but Mary has only scratched the surface and I know she plans to cover more on this topic.

    @Angie – it’s great that you make the time to read & write, that is a powerful outlet, a great way to express yourself and make the world a better place. It’s cool that you’re blogging with your sister. AND I love the the idea about getting UP when you wake rather than laying there just to try and force yourself back to sleep. Trust your internal clock πŸ™‚

    @Micheline – I love to dance. I breakdance, house, salsa and freestyle and I say even if you’re pregnant I hope you blast the music and move the best you can right in your living room! Your baby will love it!

    @LB – don’t wait!!

    @Teresha – Keep on getting those Endorphins! Got to love a natural and healthy High!

    @Kim – Zumba is big and I heard it’s fun. Keep shaking those hips, life needs spice! and I challenge … could you find just one more hour in the week that is just all you?

    @Kandis – Thank you and you’re welcome!

    @Sarahviz – high Self-esteem is soooo important, love that you said that. We certainly need to love us before anyone else can and before we try to give it away! Keep exercising!

    @Mindy – Yes and Yes :)!

    @Sarah – thanks for your comment and I agree, keep working out!

    @Ashley – Thanks for both your comments. I don’t think your first comment, the video or anyone elses comment sounded like anyone is unhappy being a parent in anyway! Just the opposite in fact, that people love their children so much they lead by example and work hard to be the best people they can be which ultimately leads to being the best parent. The fact that you have been able to transition from school, to work to parent with ease and no guilt is beautiful, that’s the point of the whole post to show that it’s possible but also VERY IMPORTANT! πŸ™‚

    Thank you everyone for your comments so far. You are all great parents I’m sure and it makes me feel good about the world seeing such strong women out there!

    Peace & Prosperity,
    Dallas Cyr

  15. Dallas Cyr Says:

    OH… Make sure you all check back Friday and see who won the $100 Spa finder Gift Certificate!! Good Luck Ya’ll

  16. VaNessa Duplessie Says:

    Mom Sexy – I’ve always love that term after finding Mary. Sexy is more than the clothes you wear or how you look. Although, hot darn, after losing 20lbs this last year I sure feel hot now that I can wear skinny jeans.

    Getting my mom sexy back meant losing some weight, reclaiming some me time and getting my new businesses of the ground, specifically my most recent endeavor to take all of my entrepreneurial years and apply the knowledge to help kids and parents through

    My main business takes a lot of time but now I pretty much realize sleep is for later. Being of service and helping as many parents and people as possible live a better life is my goal. Now if I could have a few hours at the spa to myself…well, who knows what I could come up with next! (And I might just take a much needed nap on the massage table).

    Mommyologist rocks and is a motivation to all moms – girls, time to get your sexy back – we can do it!

  17. Ginny Gallagher Says:

    My mom sexy is still being cultivated!! As a new mom, I am struggling to find time for the small luxuries in life. Ya know, going to the bathroom, showering, etc!
    I’d say what currently makes me feel awesome is what I like to call “spa night”…
    After babe’s in bed, I take a long, hot shower with most of the lights out in the bathroom.
    I take my time and give myself “treatments” such as grapefruit exfoliation (thank you Body Shop for the best shower scrub!)…
    I feel great afterwards and can’t wait to curl up w my hubby on the couch!
    Viva la revolucion, Mary!

  18. Mary Martin Says:

    I am so thankful to have found Mary, The Mommyologist! She has helped me find my MomSexy! I have been a SAHM for 5 years to my 3 kids ages 4 and 5. I honestly thought of myself as “JUST a stay at home mom” and lost my self worth. I felt as though I was a failure because I don’t have a full time job away from the house that helps financially provide for our family. Thank God I don’t feel that way anymore! I may not financially contribute to our household but I strive everyday to be the best wife and mom I can be! It’s a full time job meeting all of the different needs of my family but I wouldn’t trade my job for anything. I’m thankful that my husband as well as my kids appreciated me when I didn’t appreciate myself and that Mary was able to open my eyes that I am fabulous! I now take the time to get fixed up atleast 5 out of 7 days and it has made such a difference! I may not have the “perfect” body anymore but you know what my body carried 3 healthy and beautiful babies (2 at one time) and for that I’m truly thankful!!
    Thank you Mary for being such a huge inspiration to me and other women in this world. πŸ™‚

  19. Jaime Anderson Says:

    Journaling – I stopped for a long time when the kids were young and it took me a while to realize how important it was for me to take the time to write each day and how much better it makes me feel.

  20. Lindsay Says:

    Finding your “Mom Sexy” is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Thanks to Mary, we can all pull together to help support each other in finding whatever our individual source of Mom Sexiness is. To me, Mom Sexy is having confidence and where that confidence comes from is a variety of places. It can be working out, getting my hair done, buying a hot new outfit, wearing a matching set of sexy undergarments (this one is funny to me because no one else can see it, but it still ups the Mom Sexy factor)or getting a compliment from a friend (as Mary has encouraged us to give to other Moms). Mom Sexy is an attitude; a state of mind. Whatever it is that does it, we owe it to ourselves to make it happen. Mary has totally inspired me to find my “Mom Sexy” and own it! Thanks, Mary!

  21. Tara Says:

    Love the Mommyologist, Mary. Just so inspiring and so motivating.
    As a SAHM, For my “mom sexy”, I make a point to shower and get dressed
    every day instead of lounging in sweats. I even try to do my hair and
    occasionally make up even if we aren’t going anywhere. It lifts me up,
    makes me feel better, makes me happier.

    I also try to take tome for myself, even if it’s just an hour to get a
    pedicure. I get to sit and just relax while being pampered a bit.

    Another thing that helps with my “mom sexy” is to make date night
    with my husband a priority. I get to dress up a bit and we get to
    just enjoy each other without any interruption. Great dinner at a
    a fancier place that we wouldn’t go to as a family, great conversation,
    and great laughs.

    It’s so important for me to take time for myself, as well as taking time
    as a couple instead of mommy and daddy. It is great to rejuvenate, makes
    us better parents, and it’s so important for our son to see.

    Sweetpeonies07 @ gmail

  22. LaVonne Says:

    This was a great article & interview!! You are quite an inspiration!
    I have 3 kids…the youngest is 18 months now & I’ve just FINALLY starting getting back into my “SEXY”! I get my pedicures again, go to the gym, & take time after she’s asleep to read & catch up on my favorite blogs! πŸ˜€

  23. Mari Says:

    I have had to take time out of the day to exercise, and NOT to finish the food off of my foster son’s plate. This was a terrible habit that slowly but surely caused the pounds to creep on. I stopped that behavior and used smaller plates, which helped. I had to take care of myself in addition to my family.

  24. Dallas Cyr Says:

    @Vanessa it sounds like you’re doing great things and service is the key! Congrats on the weight loss as well! Keep making a difference!

    @Ginny keep enjoying your Spa night and visiting the Mommyologist (and here I hope:) and you will get there! Congrats new Mommy and thanks for your comment.

    @Mary you’re right Mary is great and it sounds like you have a wonderful husband and kids. I love the idea of you getting fixed up each day and there are many other ways to provide for your family beyond money and it sounds like you’re doing great!

    @Jaime I find journaling powerful as way

    @Lindsey right on! And LOL the matching garments is great, I agree what matters is you know and feel great!

    @Tara the date night … very key! He’s is a lucky guy I am sure!

    @LaVonne that is great that you are starting to get back into your sexy and the reading is awesome, great blogs like this right? AND the Mommyologist of course!

    @Mari those are small but powerful changes! Keep that up, it is great to hear!

    Thank you all for your comments – I have been inspired to say the least. Makes me feel good to know you ladies are out there raising (and running) the world! There is hope!


  1. Mommyologist's Interview With Dallas Cyr | Mommyologist - 28. Mar, 2011

    […] Make sure to head on over and check out my interview with Dallas and learn more about why it is so important to take back your identity after having kids…and why you should never feel guilty about wanting to find your “sexy.” Oh yeah, and one more thing…I’m also giving away a $100 SpaFinder gift card to help you take some time for yourself and think about what your “sexy” is. Watch my interview with Dallas Cyr for all the details! […]

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